Rihanna: Drunken Queen of Barbados

While most of us woke up and went to work this morning, Rihanna got up, slid into this a pile of ruby fishnets and started downing rum out of a cup she found lying next to a chicken coop. From there, it was only another a matter of more rum until she thought simulating doggy style sex on a parade float would be an awesome idea. And when isn’t it? Anyway, all this is to celebrate Kadooment Day in Barbados which I’m just going to assume is some sort of ritual to declare a new queen of da island. Later, a bunch of nerds will use “Google” and tell me it’s about the sugar cane harvest then question how I even got this job. Which, funny enough, also involved rum, fishnets and this. Whatever this is.

UPDATE: Added more pics starting here, in case anyone wanted to see Rihanna do a shit-faced spread eagle over an entire Barbadian town thus pleasing the harvest spirits.

UPDATE: And now here’s another gallery because there’s no way this wasn’t going to be an all day drunk butt fest.

Photo: Splash News

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So Who Wants To Gaze Into The Eye of Satan? Anyone?

And we got a taker.

What you’re looking at is Deena Cortese shopping in Jersey with no underwear on yesterday, and against my regard for public safety and ocular integrity, I made the uncensored version available because I really don’t want to Big Brother you guys if I can help it. That said, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to tell your friends and family you love them and maybe leave a note with specific instructions to set your computer on fire without looking directly at it, or even indirectly if at all possible, after they find you. But, again, free country.

Photos: Splash News

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Selena Gomez Sunbathing Topless (For The Most Part)Selena Gomez Topless Bikini Sunbathing Pregnant

ere’s 19-year-old (Seemed like a good idea to point that out.) Selena Gomez sunbathing in Orlando over the weekend and, okay, fine, looking not pregnant. And while I’m being completely honest, its time all of us stop lying to ourselves about Justin Bieber hitting this and start focusing on harvesting His power. I’m talking literally consuming His body thus becoming one with His magic because, trust me, transubstantiation ain’t cutting it. Which is surprising for a Roman Catholic concept that I’m using to take something from a young boy, but I digress. The important thing is I’ve been covering Communion wafers in maple syrup all morning, and I haven’t touched a single Italian-Mexican hybrid boob yet. Unless they feel like diabetes, in which case, they be all up in my face, making my feet not feel no more.

Photo: Splash News

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